When Loving Becomes Enabling

Are you supporting a loved one’s recovery from substance addiction? Do you know the difference between helping someone with their substance use issues versus enabling them to continue using? The line can get blurry when the person that is using is someone close to you. If your end goal is to support your loved one to reach and maintain sobriety, do not be a codependent enabler.

Understanding Relational Codependence

Codependent relationships refer to patterns within close ties that support any harmful or problematic behavior and make it easier for that behavior to continue. Many people who are in codependent relationships do not realize that the effects of their actions are counterproductive. Instead of helping your loved one recover, you are having a damaging effect on that person.

When it comes to substance addiction, codependence may look like easing the boundaries for substance use, allowing for financial resources to be used in purchasing alcohol or drugs, or going along with problematic behaviors instead of putting them in check. This often happens with parents whose teen or adolescent children develop substance addiction. Some parents avoid talking about the issue because they are afraid that more people might know. However, this is enabling the problem to continue.

Close partners can also become reluctant enablers for a loved one’s substance addiction. Covering for the negative consequences of a loved one who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol is a form of codependence and enabling. Your actions may seem to help at the moment, but it gives your loved one a message that there is nothing wrong with their addiction-related behavior.

Sacrificing Your Own Needs

People who support their loved ones going through recovery can often find themselves in another type of codependence. You might become so involved in taking care of that person, and you have to sacrifice more than that is acceptable in a normal situation. This sacrifice may include time, other relationships, and self-care.

Just like people on an airplane need to secure their own oxygen masks first before helping others with theirs, you need to take care of your own mental health first. For example, parents who are helping their teens recover tend to do all things for their children instead of teaching them extra responsibility. This may become exhausting and puts more stress on marital relationships. When the home is ridden with conflicts, it is not an ideal environment for a recovering teenager to heal.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

At the core of enabling behaviors is the lack of healthy boundaries. These problems may have partly led to your loved one’s stress-induced addiction. It is time to re-examine what can be done differently in these close relationships. You can also consider working with a professional interventionist who is experienced in coaching families in resetting their boundaries in order to have a more recovery-supportive home environment.

Health Professionals Can Help

When it comes to close relationships, we all need a clarifying perspective from an outsider. You may have gotten so used to old boundaries that they do not feel wrong to you. Recovery experts can help you understand these dynamics from a family system point of view. Many treatment centers offer family-based therapy for this exact purpose.

With proper coaching and intervention, you will begin to identify interactions that cross certain pre-set boundaries. For example, if your loved one starts shouting and requesting substance use, you can back away from that situation to show your disapproval. They may get the message that such problematic behavior is crossing the line for you.

It is always best to openly talk about some agreed-upon boundaries. If you are not on the same page about what are healthy boundaries, your changed action may invite resentment from your loved one. When asserting your ground, sometimes by saying “no” to a request, you need to remain calm and firm.

Building A Support System Around Yourself

Again, your well-being is first and foremost if you want to care for a loved one for the long term. It is essential that you intentionally build a strong support system. This may include regular therapy for yourself or a peer group. Sharing with people who are also caring for a loved one in recovery can be empowering and liberating. You get to see how others approach unhealthy boundaries.

Family-based therapy or counseling can provide you with more stress management tools, such as mindfulness and meditation. By connecting with them, you can stay informed and involved with your loved one’s recovery progress. The more support you have from health professionals and recovery experts, the more confident you will become when proving support and support to a loved one.

If you are supporting a loved one in recovery, do you know how not to become enabling or codependent? Relational codependence is harmful to your and your loved one’s progress in recovery. You can work with experienced recovery experts who counsel the whole family to support a loved one’s recovery. At Capo Canyon Recovery, near Mission Viejo, CA, we take pride in our holistic path, which is incremental to sustainable and long-term recovery. We focus on each stage of recovery, both in terms of physical health and mental health. Our inpatient residential care and outpatient, long-term care programs offer unmatched benefits. We provide excess comfort with an in-house chef, luxurious beds, and an onsite organic garden during your sobriety journey. With Capo Canyon Recovery, you can rely on us to help you achieve long-term sobriety. Call us at (800) 804-8714.